The Floffle
by VeggieVamp
Summary: What is a floffle? Why is Jacob Black so upset? And what does this have to do with Alice's polka dotted socks? Read to find out! One shot story, WARNING: CONTAINS EXTREME RANDOMNESS/WEIRDNESS


The Vampire Floffle

The Floffle

(Author's note: I don't own Twilight, but I do own the word, 'Floffle' because I came up with it. Yes, I know, I am amazing. This is a completely random one shot that might or might not make sense. Enjoy!)

"Rose! I'm home!" Emmett called from the door. He ran upstairs and into the bedroom in which he shared with Rosalie. He was surprised to find a bunny like creature with antlers and wings sitting on the bed.

"Um…Rose? Why is there a…thing on our bed?" He called out. Nobody answered so he shrugged and made himself comfortable on the bed before shuffling through the newest issue of Playboy magazine.

The doorbell rang once. It rang again.

Emmett groaned as he ran downstairs to get the door. It was Jacob, he was looking extremely worried.

"Um, you, have you seen my floffle?" He asked in a worried voice. Emmett's brow furrowed.

"What in the name of Dracula is a floffle?"

"Its an adorable creature with antlers and wings and makes a very loyal pet. It's a werewolf's best friend." Jacob sobbed, "And this morning, I took my floffle for a walk but I lost him!"

Emmett started to say that there was indeed such a creature on his bed at that moment but suddenly, Rosalie appeared out of nowhere and said coldy, "There are no 'floffles' here. Please remove your dirty paws from my house." Then she slammed the door in his face.

"Um, Rose, what is this all about?" Emmett asked. Rosalie looked like she was going to laugh any second.

"This morning, I went over to the pup's house and stole that floffle thing. Now, he's all miserable." Rosalie cackled maniacally, raking her hand through her hair until it stood up. She looked more like a mad scientist. "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha."

"What good will this do?" Emmett was confused.

"I dunno. I just like watching him be all sad." Rosalie shrugged.

"You've been watching too much of that Volturi reality show, Rose," Emmett shook his head, "You're becoming more and more like that Jane person everyday. Sometimes, its like I don't even know you."

Rosalie laughed maniacally again and went into the kitchen to bake some raspberry pie. Emmett was getting more scared by the second so he went back to reading his playboy magazine.

"Ooooh, don't you love these polka dotted socks?" Alice gushed as she entered the door, dragging Edward (who had his hair in tufts held in place by ponytail holders) behind her. No doubt, she had just returned from one of her infamous shopping trips.

"What's up with your hair, Eddy?" Rosalie smirked as she sauntered out from the kitchen, "Finally realized you're gay?"

'Eddy' pouted and tried to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at her. Alice went upstairs to put away the 50 pound box of oranges she bought when she noticed the floffle.

"AWWWW! This is soooo cute!" A loud squeal could be heard from upstairs. "It seems like Alice has a new pet." Edward said, reading Alice's mind.

"I'm going to name her Bubbles, and we'll give each other makeovers!" Alice screamed. She put a pink bow in the floffle's hair.

The door rang again. Rosalie was out in the garden, helping Esme with the flowers, so she didn't come rushing over.

Alice bounded to the door, holding 'Bubbles' in her arms. Of course, it was Jake.

"Ah ha! You have kidnapped my floffle! And in the name of Remus Lupin, what have you done to the poor thing?" Jacob yelled, pointing at the floffle, "Its okay, H-piddy, I'll save you."

"Nooo, its name is Bubbles and its my floffle. I found it in my house." Alice stated.

"It was mine, and I know it. You have kidnapped it and now we are at war."

"War? But we didn't break the treaty!" Edward yelled from the background.

"It states in the treaty," Jacob fumbled until he found a piece of old parchment. "Ah ha, here it is. This treaty states that the vampires can not bite a human, kill a human, make trouble and most important of all, they cannot steal Jacob Black's floffle."

Alice looked at it. "Wow," She mused, "It actually said that. And you say they're not psychic."

"Now, if you please, I would like H-piddy back." Jacob grabbed the poor floffle from Alice's arms and marched away with it, mumbling, 'Its okay, H-piddy. This afternoon, we'll have a tea party and we'll play princess together…"

Rosalie was back. "Where's the floffle?" She asked.

"We didn't want to start a war." Alice told her.

Edward was examining a piece of paper by the desk. "Now this is peculiar." He said "On this treaty, it says we cannot bite a human, kill a human, make trouble but we are allowed to drink Jacob Black's floffle."

"I know it!" Rosalie shrieked, "Aww, there goes my afternoon snack."

"Haggis, anyone?" Emmett asked, holding up the plate.


End file.
